Routerku Sayang Routerku Malang

“AARRGGHHH!!!! Kenapa wirelessnya mati??!!!”

“Tadi mati lampu mel.. tapi mama da nyalain lagi koq~~”

“Iya nyala tapi WIRELESSnya GA NYALA!!!”

“Mana? Itu lampunya uda nyala”

“Iya tapi cuma 3!! Harusnya kan 5!!”

…

itu.. cuplikan sekilas kegiatan di pagi hari gw kemaren..

pagi-pagi penuh darah tinggi.. untungnya tensi gw ga naek pas di-cek buat medical check-up.. sebenernya harusnya ga perlu pake acara darah tinggi.. tapi masalahnya tu router da mulai bertingkah dari minggu lalu n puncaknya tu kemarin ini..

da ampe nyerah gw ngurusnya.. n yang bikin lebih parah lagi..

ade cowoku tercinta yang harusnya lebih mengerti soal komputer dan teman-temannya ini malah cuek bebek ga peduli.. karena buat dia yang penting komputer masi bisa online.. mo wireless tewas kek buat dia ga penting.. toh dia juga ga pake..

BIKIN KESEL AJA!!!!

perhatian dikit napa??!!! aaaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh…

but.. anyway..

karena dari kemaren acara gw padat merayap jadinya tu urusan router terbengkalai d.. ampe hari ini.. karena my nyokap ga tahan liat anak wedo-nya darah tinggi tiap pagi jadinya dengan baik hati dan kaki yang berat.. berangkatlah my nyokap beserta bokap yang terseret sebagai pak pir ke mangdu buat ngurus tu router..

and what happen next??

tu router harus masuk UGD selama waktu yang belum pasti..

shittt!!!!!!

it means.. selama waktu yang belum pasti itu gw harus rebutan kompi ama adekuw tercinta.. online dari ruang maen yang penuh asap rokok n panas.. jauh dari nyamannya kamarku yang dingin n kasurku yang empuk..

damn!!!! ok.. i’ve cursed a lot.. sorry~~

tapi kesel aja.. baru 2 bulan tu router da bertingkah..

harusnya 2 bulan itu kan masi belum bisa ngapa-ngapain!!! *ni ngomongin router apa bayi??*

and karena lagi kesel.. mana belakangan hawa kota Jakarta panas aje gile nan lembap abis.. otak gw lagi ga mampu mengolah kata-kata dalam bahasa inggris.. jadinya kali ini pake bahasa indo aja ah~~ perlu meningkatkan rasa nasionalisme juga neh hehehehehe =P

Off..

morning comes to everyone and whether it shines bright depends on myself.. let’s just hope the night doesn’t last long

those were some wise words I quoted from Lee Hyuk Jae’s.. just in case if you don’t know who he is.. He is a member of Super Junior, a 13-member boyband from Korea.. my fav band so far ^^ hehehehehehe..

but that’s not what I want to talk about right now.. even though I loved to talk  about Suju.. but now it’s not the time~~

I haven’t post anything in this blog for quite some time.. quite a long time actually.. lately.. there were a lot of things across my mind that I wanted to share.. but somehow.. I can’t write down any of it.. I couldn’t..

restless.. off.. defeated.. loser..

feelings that were clinging in my mind.. my heart..

when people looked at me.. they will said..

“Don’t worry.. we know you can make it”

“It’s you we’re talking about.. why would you be worried?”

“I know you’ll get it”

“You?? It’s me who should be worried”

words like that..

I should be flattered right? should I?

truth is.. words like that.. only drowned me deeper and deeper..

if I’m as good as what they said.. then..

why can’t I get what I want?

why can’t I reach what I thought I could reach?

why why and why..

I hate why.. I hate asking for reasons..

wise people will say your time or in this case.. MY time hasn’t come yet..

I still need to work hard to get what I want..

in fact.. old man told me that I will need to work hard for the rest of my life to get what I want..

I’m not complaining about working hard..

Working hard is not a big deal..

The real big deal is working hard without knowing the end of it..

right now..

I can’t see the end of my “hardship”

I don’t know what I’m working for..

heck.. I don’t even know if I’m doing the right job..

for once.. I really wish.. just for once.. I could have what I want without struggling for it..

Is it too much to ask?? I guess so~~ *sigh*

Stab to my Heart..

It’s been months since we chose different path..

For a moment.. I didn’t think about you.. didn’t think about it..

barely forgot.. what actually happened in the past~~

worse.. barely forgot.. that I’ve known you before..

when they said.. only time could heal~~ it’s not about healing.. it’s about forgetting..

and I thought.. I already passed the process..

but here I am..

just becoz..

just becoz a simple sentence.. some words..

brought back memories.. memories from which I tried to move on..

memories that made me have these pang of jealousy.. pang of anger.. pang of.. sadness..

am I really that bad.. to make someone, who I thought knew me very well, against me really bad~~

betrayer.. liar.. traitor.. whatever they called me..

and I don’t know.. how far they told “others” about me..

I don’t care about “others” think actually.. but it made me cannot trust “others”~~

were their smiles true? were their concern true? did they really want to be with me?

since “others” only heard but never asked~~

made me question myself again..

am I that scary? that makes “others” scared just to ask me?

Rest in Peace..

30 September 2009

Just couple days away from Idul Fitri.. while people were still lingering in Lebaran mood~~

bad things happened.. or should I said.. shit happens >.<

Earthquake in Padang.. then in Jambi..

it’s far from Jakarta.. you cannot even felt the slightest shake in here..

but you can felt the damage.. even now~~

some people said.. it’s because we are nearing the end of the world.. “Kiamat”

some said.. it’s “Karma” for what we did to our beloved earth..

some just simply said.. it’s because of our choice of new president.. crap! I know~~

no matter what they said.. the damage has been done.. the disaster had occurred..

it’s useless to give reason of why~~

and I can’t do anything at all..

just watched from the news.. reporting directly from the location of disaster..

silently prayed..

for those who died in the disaster.. may they rest in peace..

for those who lost their beloved ones.. may they have strength to overcome their sadness..

for myself.. for me not to be in either of those two positions..

selfish? I know~~ but really.. who wants it?

so let’s just pray.. hope for the disaster never come again..

and we have what we called.. world peace~~

all about PREFERENCES..

“Kamu uda 23.. tapi di mata papa kamu mah masi 2 taon terus.. papa paling inget pas kamu rambut dikuncir-kuncir kecil terus minta digendong-gendong.. hopla hopla~~”

“Mama paling inget pas dede masi 6 ato 7 taon.. kalo dy mo ngomong sama mama.. slalu duduk di sofa sebelah mama terus ngomong ‘Soalnya begini lho ma..’ hahaha dan pas yang kalian berdua berantem.. terus dede tulis surat buat mama dan di dalemnya ada duit 100..”

After I came back from Singapore.. I talked a lot with my parents.. especially during dinner time ^^ and mostly we were talking about the past.. and future plan.. sometimes.. but what I noticed just recently.. errr not recently actually.. I’ve known this since.. well.. since I could think??

Even though my parents love their children equally.. or so they think.. but as human.. we will have our own preferences and that is something I realized myself.. coz I have my own too..

in this case.. well.. you could tell yourself rite?

I’m not saying it’s bad to have preferences.. no matter how hard you try to be fair.. there will always be thing called preference.. it’s just nature..

you could like a lot type of dishes but you will pick your favourite first

you could have a lot of best friends but one particular person will always be the first to know your news..

you could love both of your parents but you have one of them that is more closed to you..

so.. is it something we need to get rid of? hmmm..

for all I care.. I don’t have any problem with preferences.. we could never be fair as long we are still human.. coz human tends to involve a lot of emotions that will cloud them from being fair..

but that’s what makes life interesting rite?

you met a lot of people.. getting to know them.. and in the end.. let your heart choose for you..

sure there will be some who wouldn’t like or even get mad by our preferences.. but hey!! we can never make everyone happy rite??

as long we have the good intention and try not to hurt others.. I don’t see why we can’t have our preference ^^

it’s like telling I like Super Junior but I love Donghae of all~~ does it mean I hate Super Junior?

…………………………

OK it’s late and I know I start to make nonsense.. better stop then ^^ hehehehehehe..

just want to write down something without having the real point of what I’m writing =P ahahahaha..

Tadaima \(^o^)/

“Aku pulang!!“

yup.. that’s what I said through short message texts which I had sent to my dear friends in Jakarta~~ and the responses?? well.. can I say.. you guys miss me a lot?? ^^ hahahahahahahahahaha *narcisstic mode:ON*

well.. actually I didn’t tell a lot directly about my homecoming or whatever you named it~~ what I did was just let some friends knew that I already came home and let the news spread (or not ^^;).. and most important thing.. update the Facebook’s status ^^

pathetic?? I know~~

just like everyone else.. can’t get out of this Facebook hell.. already fall to deep and no intention to escape either.. so.. yeah.. just accept it ^^; ahahahahaha..

and when I came home.. a lot of people were asking me this question..

“Do you miss Singapore??”

honestly~~ I don’t! =P

but if you asked more specific like..

“Do you miss lived in Singapore??”

well.. yes!! I do!!

I’m not fond of Singapore but I have to admit.. I do like living in Singapore for some reasons~~ like I have mentioned before..

back in Jakarta.. I met with traffic jam.. smoking and spitting everywhere.. stupid biker all around.. noisy unsafe public transport.. hell yeah~~ I’m SO MISS living in Singapore..

but.. I also finally be able to catch up with my family.. my friends.. ate “gorengan”.. nasi uduk.. steak.. my mom’s cook.. enjoying every minute without having a feeling of rush.. just~~ enjoy my life.. and that’s all I need~~

so.. do I want to go back to Singapore?

if I get paid more than $3000 a month.. I will consider it ^^ hahahahahahahaha~~

since no one will goin to pay me that amount of money for now~~ so I’ll just stick around in Jakarta for some time ^^ enjoying my late holiday~~ hehehehehehe..

and by the end of this month.. I need to make new plan >.<

InSomnia~~

I care a lot.. I do care a lot.. but~~ why I still have this suffocating feelings??

it past midnite now..

and still.. like the previous days..

I can’t sleep.. no.. it’s not that I can’t.. I don’t want to..

yeah.. I don’t want to..

somehow.. I’m scared..

scared of what? I don’t know for sure myself..

I don’t know the reasons.. or maybe I do.. but I just don’t want to acknowledge..

feels suffocated.. empty..

so many things I want to talk about.. to tell..

but the words only stayed on my lips..

even worse..

the words that slipped out from my mouth.. were words full of nothing but craps and lies..

I can’t help it..

I lost it..

don’t know when this was started.. but..

I can’t tell like I used to..

how I wish.. want.. to be like I used to be..

still.. everytime I tried..

it’s not relieved that got me..

anger.. furious.. irkness..

that’s what got me..

and I hate it.. I hate myself for harboring those feelings..

want to stop it.. how?

Soon.. and I’ll be HOME~~

four more days..

and I will leave this country..

for good??

don’t know..

but if I can make a plan for my future..

I don’t see this country include in my future plan.. but..

plan always stays as a plan..

maybe.. Fate has it own choice for me..

and becoz I will never understood Fate nor Destiny..

I’ll just stay with my plan.. and hoping.. Fate will be in my favor to gain my Destiny

and what is lies as my Destiny?

no one could tell..

only Time has the answer~~

*random talk at 2am just becoz I had insomnia >.<*

Damn Monday!!

when there is a meeting.. there is a goodbye..

today is my last day in GIS..

it’s been a year since I’ve joined Systems Biology 3 group as attachment student.. errr actually.. more than that.. if you count the first 3 months as well..

the point is.. I’ve spent most of my post undergrad time in here.. in GIS.. and when the end came..

hmmm how should I feel?

sad? yeah definitely.. all of my lab mates are nice people.. even though some were annoying sometimes but still~~ at least I like here better than my previous lab >.< can’t help but to feel at lost~~ I’m goin to miss u guys T.T

happy?? so so lha~~ of course I’m glad coz I can go home now.. meet my family and friends.. have my old life back.. BUT.. somehow.. I already got used with Singapore life style.. I think.. no.. I KNOW I’m goin to miss my freedom in here.. freedom which I couldn’t have back in Jakarta.. yeah~~ there’s always plus minus about livin’ alone and livin’ with ur parents..

anxious? nervous? insecure? scared?

if I have to be honest.. that’s what I felt right now~~ all of the emotion.. all of the feeling..

but most of all.. I feel restless.. uneasy..

mostly come from the fact that I still haven’t got any school to continue my study.. from the fact that I’m 23 and still being supported by my parents.. from the fact that I had my bachelor degree but unemploy..

ashamed? maybe~~

so it’s kinda hard for me.. to go home this time..

but life must go on~~ you cannot stay forever in one place.. either you move forward or backward.. and I prefer to move forward.. I don’t know what will happen next.. where will I be next.. what would I be.. but I believe.. or at least.. try to believe that if I keep my perseverance.. maybe.. someday.. my dream will come true ^^

just hope I won’t lose it in a mean time~~

*and why I hate monday?? coz my stupid mistake for buy thing twice the usual price.. FU**!!!!* (actually this incident didn’t have any relation with monday.. it’s just happen on monday accidentally)

Dear Mom~~

I’m feeling tired today

Left alone in the room hugging a pillow

Touching my phone distracted my mind

It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone

my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten

these words annoyed me but today it’s different

The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices

You silently watched over me from behind

But now I think more than an innocent child

The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small

Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack

I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)

I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I’ll show endless love

I’ll have a warm heart

I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom

I’m feeling tired today

Left alone in the room hugging a pillow

Touching my phone distracted my mind

It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone

my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten

these words annoyed me but today it’s different

The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices

You silently watched over me from behind

But now I think more than an innocent child

The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small

Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack

I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)

I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I’ll show endless love

I’ll have a warm heart

I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom

*song by SNSD*