Happy Family Day ^o^

First time i knew there is such thing called FAMILY DAY!!!!

errrr.. basically it’s just a day where you are having dinner together with your family.. this day actually was dedicated for fathers.. so supposed to be liked Father’s Day~~ but somehow.. now they called it Family Day???

well.. nevertheless.. it’s good to know that you still have something to remind you that you have things that are more precious compare to money or carrier.. in this case.. FAMILY!!!

yeah i think it will be wonderful if we can celebrate today to the fullest~~

while me.. being faraway from home.. 

try to celebrate this Family Day together with my small “family”~~ the closest kind of family i can get in here ^^; thanks to cilla and asha.. i felt like i’m belong to somewhere now ^o^ even though it’s just temporary but still enjoy it anyhow~~ hehehehehehehehehehe ^u^

and in here.. especially in GIS (my current lab).. they tried to appreciate this day by letting the staffs to go home earlier~~ but unlucky for us.. we’ve got LAST MINUTE JOB!!!!!!

oh well~~ since we don’t have any family wait at home.. but still.. it ruined my plan to go home early!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha XD

for my family back in Indonesia.. not just my family as in my dad, my mom, and my bro~~ but also my gals~~ can’t tell you how much i miss u guys a lot~~ can’t wait for 19th June.. yeah!!!!!! ^^

HAPPY FAMILY DAY everyone!!

love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^o^ hehehehehehehe

Inconsistent Me??

“You supposed to show consistent improvement..”

..means.. I lacked consistency??

for the first time in my life.. someone said that to me.. well.. there’s always first in everything.. and becoz no one ever told me that way.. i kinda made myself believed that i don’t have any problem with thing called consistency.. but in truth.. i DO HAVE!!!

at first.. i thought that’s becoz i’m still new in my work.. still learning how to do the right things.. but as time goes by.. i can’t be called new again right?? heckk!! i’m already a year in here!!! 

and now~~ i have to face the truth.. MY WORKS ARE NOT CONSISTENT.. well not my works.. my results to be precisely.. but.. how am i supposed to do??? i do.. did.. things the same way everytime i worked.. how come it showed different results?? something wrong with my hand???

S***!!! and i’m starting to lose my confidence.. i started to feel i’m not in the right place~~

pathetic isn’t it?? just becoz of one thing.. already ruined my self confidence.. but actually.. not just becoz this one thing.. i’ve been thinking lately~~ am I really suitable for this job?? am I in the right track?? is this what I’m supposed to do??

errrrrrr………

let’s listed down why i think i’m not suitable for being a scientist..

i lack of curiosity.. never occur in my mind some fresh innovation or idea.. lazy bone.. don’t like or want to spend my whole life in the lab.. don’t like to read journal.. not to fond of looking for advance knowledge or technology.. fall asleep immediately after read several pages of text book or journal.. inconsistent work!!

what else??!!! 

haih~~~

for one thing.. I do LIKE my job.. being a scientist is one of my dreams.. but i’m not sure myself if i really LOVE it.. coz i LIKE many things ^^; yeah yeah yeah~~ rather than inconsistent.. i guess i’m more to be a greedy person.. want a lot of things =P but right now~~ being a good scientist is my number one priority..

surely.. that’s becoz.. if not.. then.. what should i be anyway??? ^^; hahahahahahahahahaha.. not only me.. but i guess everyone else *especially my parents* already see me as one.. never occur in their mind about me being something else~~ or did you??

so.. despite the fact that i don’t fulfill the criteria of being a good scientist.. let’s just do it anyway.. if i give up now.. i won’t be able to pursue my other dreams as well.. coz i’m goin to easily give up.. just like this one.. and coz i don’t like to give up so easily~~ then.. FIGHTING!!!!!!

maybe i lack of curiosity.. maybe i don’t know about the newest journal or technology.. maybe i will still fall asleep reading the journal.. maybe i will still have inconsistency in my work.. 

but.. who cares??

I KNOW I CAN BE A GOOD SCIENTIST!!! just need to build up my self confidence once more.. and prove it to myself.. yup myself.. not my parents.. not my supervisor.. not anyone.. just me!! coz that’s all that matter~~

like old people said.. do what u love.. and u will enjoy your life..

so.. while i’m trying to find what i really LOVE to do.. i’m goin to enjoy what i LIKE to do for now..

“Why you like to fly??”

“Coz it’s fun!!”    -Amelia Earhart-

Only for You..

tic toc.. tic toc..

time is ticking.. how i wish i could stop this moment..
a moment where i found my way for love.. 
in such a lovely day.. when i finally met u.. yes it’s you..
the one i love..

it felt like miracle.. when you show me your love..
one love that made me fall into what so called love disease..
can’t believe i can love u more day by day..
feel the happiness in this endless moment..

even if someone reset my mind.. my heart..
i know.. i will.. remember u again.. as my heart is missing u every time..
even if there’s a monster who knock out me out of my midnight fantasy..
i’m still goin to fall deeper into sapphire blue ocean..
the ocean of your L.O.V.E

like a man in love.. when u said to me.. 
‘i want to marry u”
i know it’s just my wild dream..
but let’s not destroy my little hope of miracle..
what if it’s real??
then we can be happy together..
as u become my shining star and i become your angela..

and if i mirror myself.. i can tell i hate u.. love u at the same time..
hate u for making me feel this way.. sorry sorry~~
love u for saying out loud “the girl is mine!!”
and for that i thank you..

as i listened to the love song.. keep questioning myself.. 
why i like you???

Turn Back Time.. can we??

haish~~ lately.. my level of laziness is increasing more and more day by day~~ and just like that.. i have wasted my time.. drooling over 13 korean boys.. errr.. men.. made myself busy with something useless like FB.. reading fanfic.. but.. it’s worthed =P hahahahahahahaha..

why?? yeah mainly coz i felt like my head is goin to explode anytime if i just kept thinking about my future plan.. my social life.. my sucks problems ^^; 

well in the end~~ it’s all nothing but excuses hahahahaha.. the real deal is that i’m just being lazy.. that’s all O.o

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

i should start to prepare for my application again.. for my test.. and yet.. here i am.. instead of study.. i prefer to write.. read.. watch.. and listen.. ^^; *sigh* this is one big problem when u live alone on your own.. no one is watching you!!! XD should be glad or not???? hahahahahahahaha

and to make things worse~~ i spent my weekend hanging around with my friends~~ at first, i’m planning to spend my weekend by studying XD yeah human can plan.. but evil lead the way =P hahahahahahaha.. in the end.. none of my study plan worked according to my plan >.<

ahhhhh just give up~~ just let it be.. hahahaha better not to plan again.. just study if i have the time.. and most importantly.. if i WANT to!! which i’m not sure when it will happen anyway~~ hahahahahahaha..

while i’m wasting my time for “refreshing”.. 

lately~~ i have this feeling.. it kept haunting me for quite few days.. 

I’m MISSING the old times!!! a lot!!!!!! i miss hanging around with my friends.. miss attending lectures which end up by me sleeping or gossiping.. miss playing to the arcade.. miss goofing around with my gals.. miss the time when everything seems to be just fine.. no negative thoughts.. no negative judgements.. no suspicions.. nothing.. just purely having fun..

also miss my high school times.. miss my class.. miss my gals.. just miss everything..

am I too much???

i’ve been thinking.. it would be nice if i could go back to that time.. time when there were no worries.. worries about friends.. worries about future.. gee~~ what a fun i had back then~~

and now??? 

huuuuhhhh *take a deep breath*

if i let myself to think that way~~ means i’m losing with my life now!! means i can’t take the obstacles in front of me~~ can’t be a grown up.. just another weakling~~ another loser of life *in the extreme way*

but.. i can let myself to become weak for once right??? just for a brief moments~~ i don’t need to be a strong girl all the time right?? i ain’t that tough too~~

but.. can I??

coz.. it seems everyone is expecting much more from me.. makes me cannot show my weakness.. and if i did~~ it’s just make some people to have the wrong or different idea about me.. that i’m not like what they are expecting~~ cih.. is it that hard to accept the “Weak-Me”???

molayo~~

If Life is So Short~~

Don’t worry about tomorrow or regret about the past.. Live for now!! coz we’ll never know what comes next..

Just about few days ago.. when I was reading through my news update in FB *yeah.. i’m kinda FB-geek ^^; poor me hehehe* i read one of my gals post to my high school mate.. and the post really hit me.. made me curious~~ so I asked my gal what’s wrong and when I knew~~

my first thought was.. WHATTTT??? HOW COME????? why none of us ever heard about the news?? and now when we finally knew.. it’s already too late~~

so what exactly the news was?? well.. the dearest mother of my high school mate had passed away due to cancer.. apparently she had fought the illness for quite a long time but even her children never realized her pain until recently or so~~ i’m not too sure when my friend knew about her mother’s disease but some said that her mother hid her pain for some time.. i think.. well i know.. she didn’t want to make her children worry about her.. that’s what we called as mother’s love..

for me.. I have to say sorry first but.. honestly.. I called it selfishness!! by not telling your dearest about what happen to you especially something that related with your life and told them at the last minute.. well.. i can’t think of that as a way to show your love.. i just can think that as a form of selfishness..

maybe she didn’t want to worry her children.. maybe she didn’t want anyone to pity her.. but hey!! this is life we’re talking about.. life that can only be lived once.. and when it’s over.. it’s over.. mean that you can’t see people you love anymore.. you can’t talk.. touch.. speak to them.. you can’t do anything.. nothing..

maybe by not telling them that you are goin to die anytime soon.. you will make them live more happily without worry.. but if I’m in her position *amit2 jangan ampe d >.<*.. IF I’m in my friend’s position.. I will be very angry to my mom for not telling me!! mad.. and sad.. 

maybe there’s nothing I could do by knowing sooner but at least.. I could give her more attention.. could make her suffer more easy to bear.. anything that would make her happy for the last time.. give her some good memories for her life.. if I don’t know.. then when the time come.. I would regret it very bad.. bad enough to make me carry those regrets for the rest of my life.. and do you think a mother wants her children to suffer like that??? i know my mother won’t..

if I said like that then it would make me as selfish as the mother right?? but.. be real.. we’ll never know what would happen in the afterlife.. if is there any heaven or hell for real.. but one thing for sure.. those who are left behind.. those who are still lived.. are the people who feel the pain the most.. those are who’ll keep struggling for their life.. to ease the pain and continue their life with the pain.. so I think it is wise to at least make those who are still living live their life easier~~

well but that’s only from my point of view.. maybe some will think the otherwise.. and no matter what i still respect every decision they made for their own life.. I’m just tryin to give my own opinion ^^

meanwhile let’s pray for my dear friend Denty.. hopefully she could find her way to compromise with this.. and I know she can.. she will.. coz she’s a strong girl.. and she has many friends and family who love and support her ^o^

and with this.. this really made me think again about how life is so short.. so unpredictable.. and here I am.. wasting my time with my grumbling.. made my own misery..

haih~~ i should really live up my life now~~ i don’t want to regret later on.. 

 

Eleven Hints for Live

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

i got this post from my friend’s note in her FB (thanks Tini ^o^).. it’s really nice right?? my favorites are no 3, 5 and 7.. so.. what’s yours??

Give me back MY Beauty SLEEP!!!!

…. 

yaaa… since i’ve been in spore for like~~ almost a year?? i’ve begun to develop a new habit.. lack of sleep =P and if i calculate correctly.. then my average sleeping time would be probably only like 4-5 hours per day ^^;

then realization came to me.. kinda late though~~ 

WHAT????!!! only 4-5 hours a day??? OMO.. 

this is kinda creepy.. coz normally.. well.. when I was in Jakarta.. my average sleeping time would be like 8-9 hours ^^; not to mention if i had holiday.. then i can increase my dormant till 15 hours =P hahhahahahahahaha..

and now??? it’s almost like half of it.. and even during holiday.. my top was 8 hours only T.T

makes me wonder~~ how can I survived all this year??? in here??? XD hahahahahahahahahaha.. usually if i’m lack of sleep.. hell.. i would be moody all day long~~ but here.. nothing’s happened ^^; i didn’t even feel tired.. sleepy yes but tired?? no~~

so.. is there something wrong with me??? hahahahaha.. am I already get used with kiasu life in here??? damn!!!!

give me back my beauty sleep!!!!! 

it’s not that i need it.. just want it =P coz now~~ even though i’m lacking of sleep but i think my sleep quality was good.. that’s why i didn’t feel tired although sleep only for few hours.. 

another reason i could think of.. actually.. it’s ME who don’t want to sleep ^^; yupp that’s true~~ everytime i went home from work.. even though i’m tired.. but when I met aoi-chan.. suddenly i felt lifted up again.. aoi surely is my energizer hehehehehehehehe.. and when I’m with aoi.. yahhh nothing can separate us =P

sometimes i felt this unsecure feeling.. feeling that if I slept then I would miss things that are important.. things that I should know at that moment.. things that can make me left behind.. well.. i don’t like being neglected or left behind.. so probably that’s the reason.. i live my life online.. just to keep in touch with those whom I care about.. errr it’s just my feeling actually.. 

but.. living alone abroad.. makes the unsecure feeling getting bigger and bigger.. and I don’t want to be eaten up by this feeling.. so.. hmmmm think this is my “kartasis” *bahasanya vina neh =P hehehe*

also.. coz nite is the only time i can satisfy my “craving” for my beloved ******* so.. yeahh~~ hihihihihihihihi.. sacrifice my sleeping time..

hiks.. in the end.. have to say this.. bye bye my beauty sleep~~ maybe when I come back to Jakarta.. I can have mine again ^o^ hehehehehehe

Babies Act 1.. Action!!

I’ve posted this before in my Facebook.. and think I want to share it through my blog too..

so.. enjoy~~ hahahahaha

———————————————

FYI: “kuku” means aunty in hokkien language..??? or whatever chinese dialect.. but the point is.. it means aunty =P
my “babies” are 2 years (Caca) and 3 years (Jojo) old..
and also.. when I wrote in English means the babies actually spoke in English!!! ^^;

Act 1

Pulang kerja..

M : “Hallo Jojo.. Hallo Caca..”
C : “Hello Kuku Melissa~~” (trs nabrakin badan ke gw.. ugh!!)
J : “Kuku.. are u coming to play with me??”
M : ^^; “I’m staying here Jo”
J : “Can u play with me? Do u want to play with me? Kuku.. play with me!!”
M : ^^;

Mommy said “Hey!! Let Kuku eat first ok..”

after dinner..

J : “Kuku, i want to play baseball”
M : “I’m tired Jo.. go and play with Caca”
J : “Caca, let’s play baseball ok”

Caca ikutan maen.. ga nyampe 5 menit langsung ngacir lari-lari ga jelas~~

J : “Kuku!!! Caca doesn’t want to play with me!!! You play with me ok~~”
M : “No Jo.. I’m tired.. you ask Caca OK”
J : “Charmaine, do you want to play with me??”

yang ditanya malah kabur ga jelas ^^;

J : “Kuku!!! Caca doesn’t want to play with me.. why u don’t want to play with me?? who i should play with?? I don’t have any friends to play with!!! Why everybody don’t want to play with me?? Whom I should play with?? Why u don’t want to play with me??…………..”
and so on~~ with screaming and tears started to fall down each time he spoke..

M : “Jojo, why are u crying?”
J : “Coz nobody wants to play with me.. whom i should play with..”
M : “Ya but u don’t need to scream and cry.. just ask kuku nicely OK.. so.. u want to play with me??”
J : “yes!!! Kuku, let’s play baseball”
M : “I don’t want to play baseball Jo.. just play throw and catch ball ok”
J : “Why?? Why?? Why??”
M : “Coz u will hit things and make them broke Jo”
J : “If I broke things.. then what happen?”
M : “then mommy will be angry”
J : “if mommy angry then what will happen?”
M : “then u will be punished”
J : “if i get punished then what happen?”
M : ^^; “ok Jo let’s play ball”
J : “i want to play baseball!!!”
M : “u want to play with me or not?”
J : ” i want to play with u”
M : “ok then.. let’s play”

baru maen ga nyampe 5 menit.. si Caca dateng..
C : “I want ball.. I want soccer ball”
J : “No!!! This is mine!!”
M : “Hey Jojo.. share ya~~”
J : “Why I have to share??”
M : “She’s ur sister Joseph!”
J : “But this is mine..”
M : “OK everybody play together OK”
C : “I want ball.. Kuku.. throw!!”
M : “OK Caca catch!!”
J : “Caca throw to me”
C : “NO!! Kuku.. throw to Kuku!!”
J : “aaaaa Kuku.. why Caca doesn’t want throw to me?”
M : “OK OK Caca throw to Kuku OK.. then I will throw to u Ok Jo?”

and the game goes on for like~~ 5 minutes??
stop when either one of them crying.. boring.. milk time.. sleep time..
and this happened almost everyday ^^;

talking bout having kids~~ hahahahahahahahahaha XD

Random Talk..

I’m not in hiatus.. just in lazy mode =P hahahahahaha..

yahhh recently.. i kinda lost my passion to write.. errrr actually i DO WANT to write.. but somehow.. it’s very difficult to find the right time XD hahahaha.. especially when you are living with 2 toddlers XP

and here now.. while waiting for my cells to grow.. which i’ve been waiting for like 3 hours and still so little T.T~~  i finally found my time to write.. and coz i don’t have any special theme in my head right now for this post.. so i will just write down random things.. everything that across my mind at this moment ^^;

just few days ago.. my friend gave me her blog link.. and i found one topic that quite amused me =p it’a about “WHY people who closed to you infact become your worst nightmare” hmmmm interesting right??? so i read read read.. and she just gave a simple explanation which she’s got from the movie Silence of the Lamb XD hahahahaha yupp from Hannibal’s point of view~~

He said.. if  people who closed to you tend to hurt you.. means.. he/she COVETS you!!! that’s it.. that’s the only reason.. COVET.. nothing else.. and it’s just something that happened naturally~~

when i read that.. WTH??? just becoz of that??? is he/she so stupid like that?? just becoz of this feeling named COVET??? well.. in the end.. have to admit.. yah probably that’s true.. human tends to do something stupid or irrational based on something silly too~~

if i looked back to my own problems.. well.. it’s kinda hard for me to say that “they” hate me becoz “they” covet me.. u see..

hmmmm i admit i have a bit the “above average brain” (sombong mode: ON) hahahahaha.. but “they” also have too~~

i have a quite attractive appearance =P hahahahaha (i won’t say i’m ugly or something coz i don’t feel like one XD hahahahahahaha.. congkak kale =P hahaha) but they also have too~~ in different way.. coz we have different style.. even for me.. i found them sometimes are more attractive compare to me ^^;

i have a plain voice.. while them.. yah u can say.. it’s too bad they don’t join Indonesian Idol =P what else??? that’s from the physical side..

from inside?? hey.. they said i speak too harsh or i’m too honest with with my words.. sometimes even hurtful but never realized that =P too ambitious for some.. bossy.. and many more.. so.. it’s impossible for them to covet me becoz of that right???

from lifestyle.. material or whatever related with money.. well~~ if i said that i had once lived where i didn’t even have money to buy food.. how was I supposed to pay my school fee.. can my family eat for dinner.. will you believe me?? i think you will find it hard to believe.. just like if i said i’m a shy girl *which I AM!!! hahahahahaha XD*

but.. that’s the reality.. and that’s happened in the past.. as for now.. it’s gettin better of course.. if not.. how the hell i can finish my study and went to spore??!! but still.. if you compare “them” with me.. yeah~~ they have a better living than me..  so.. it should be ME who covet them right?? not the otherwise..

so.. I’m confused now @.@

nevertheless.. i don’t want to think about it again~~ just like the Beatles said “Let it Be” hahahahahahahaha ^o^ it’s useless for me to find the reason why some who in the beginning were closed to me now try to apart from me.. only them who knew the answers.. ME?? molayo~~ hahahahaha..

for now~~ my hope just that this kind of things don’t happen again in my life.. i’m too tired to have my closests go againsts me again T.T

luckily~~ i still have people who are willing to be with me ^o^ hehehehe hopefully that won’t change.. for good.. hehehehehehehe

and talking about molayo~~ i mean.. i just remember another thing..

recently.. people have been asking the same questions to me over and over again.. what am I goin to do after i finish my attachment???

and my answer always the same..

molayo~~ bu ce dau (is it correct??)~~ wakaranai~~ i don’t know~~ GA TAU!! hahahahahahahahahahaha XD

and that’s the truth.. i don’t know.. i do have a few plans.. but let’s just see.. coz now i’m just go with the flow.. who knows what will happen the next month right?? hehehehehehe

i live my life day by day now~~ tomorrow is another day to think about..  but time is ticking.. and my time to be in relax mode soon are goin to over..

so.. yah.. i’m start to panic again.. not really yet.. just start =P hahahahahahaha

what a random talk~~ XD

OH NO!!!

You will never know the good wine unless you have tried the bad one..

and I think I had tasted bad enough~~ so.. can YOU give me the good wine.. like.. NOW??? coz I’m desperately need it~~

OK.. now I’m starting to talk nonsense *cih.. talking bout tough*

Just lately.. I found myself not being able to focus.. can’t find what I want to do for next.. when what I had now is finished~~ feels like I’m holding on to a rope.. hanging on tightly so I won’t fall to a deep hole.. but realize that the rope is getting thin and thinner.. waiting to be eaten by time.. waiting for me to fall.. 

even though I know I should find another rope or other things to help me get out of this hole.. but seems I can’t find it.. either becoz I’m too lazy or I just can’t find.. 

and now.. I’m just let myself to be hanged.. waiting for time to decide my future.. 

but.. I don’t like to be hanged.. I want to control my own future!!

Is it wrong if I’m just being stubborn and want to keep my plan on track?? even though it maybe not work.. again.. but at least.. can I have second chance??? 

well.. I don’t even know if I had those chance or not..

heck.. I don’t even know what I’m saying.. err.. writing.. right now!!! 

ahhhhh life is confusing me!!!!!