Damn Monday!!

when there is a meeting.. there is a goodbye..

today is my last day in GIS..

it’s been a year since I’ve joined Systems Biology 3 group as attachment student.. errr actually.. more than that.. if you count the first 3 months as well..

the point is.. I’ve spent most of my post undergrad time in here.. in GIS.. and when the end came..

hmmm how should I feel?

sad? yeah definitely.. all of my lab mates are nice people.. even though some were annoying sometimes but still~~ at least I like here better than my previous lab >.< can’t help but to feel at lost~~ I’m goin to miss u guys T.T

happy?? so so lha~~ of course I’m glad coz I can go home now.. meet my family and friends.. have my old life back.. BUT.. somehow.. I already got used with Singapore life style.. I think.. no.. I KNOW I’m goin to miss my freedom in here.. freedom which I couldn’t have back in Jakarta.. yeah~~ there’s always plus minus about livin’ alone and livin’ with ur parents..

anxious? nervous? insecure? scared?

if I have to be honest.. that’s what I felt right now~~ all of the emotion.. all of the feeling..

but most of all.. I feel restless.. uneasy..

mostly come from the fact that I still haven’t got any school to continue my study.. from the fact that I’m 23 and still being supported by my parents.. from the fact that I had my bachelor degree but unemploy..

ashamed? maybe~~

so it’s kinda hard for me.. to go home this time..

but life must go on~~ you cannot stay forever in one place.. either you move forward or backward.. and I prefer to move forward.. I don’t know what will happen next.. where will I be next.. what would I be.. but I believe.. or at least.. try to believe that if I keep my perseverance.. maybe.. someday.. my dream will come true ^^

just hope I won’t lose it in a mean time~~

*and why I hate monday?? coz my stupid mistake for buy thing twice the usual price.. FU**!!!!* (actually this incident didn’t have any relation with monday.. it’s just happen on monday accidentally)

Dear Mom~~

I’m feeling tired today

Left alone in the room hugging a pillow

Touching my phone distracted my mind

It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone

my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten

these words annoyed me but today it’s different

The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices

You silently watched over me from behind

But now I think more than an innocent child

The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small

Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack

I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)

I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I’ll show endless love

I’ll have a warm heart

I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom

I’m feeling tired today

Left alone in the room hugging a pillow

Touching my phone distracted my mind

It’s lonely to eat tonight

Suddenly, i was frightened by the ringing phone

my mom’s worried voice asked if i’ve eaten

these words annoyed me but today it’s different

The forgotten promises are remembered

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

Though I’ve made hurtful wrong choices

You silently watched over me from behind

But now I think more than an innocent child

The meaning of mom’s silent prayers

I will be a person with pretty heart

And become a person who is selfless

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I think of mother who used to share my dreams and brush my hair

What will i do, yet my heart is small

Can I do better without holding mother’s hand

I’m afraid that it will still lack

I’ll be a wise daughter of my mom (Give me the courage)

I will be a proud daughter no matter where I go (You’ve been there for me)

I’ll keep the love of my mother’s wishes

I’ll show endless love

I’ll have a warm heart

I’m shy to express to mom

That I really love my mom

*song by SNSD*

12 August!!!.. and I missed~~

aaaaahhhhh!!! just remember one important thing..

forgot to post this one on 12th~~ hoo well.. better late then never?? XD

forgive me dear~~ but at least.. I’ve called u right bul?? ^^ hehehehehehe..

and once again.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! hehehehe..

hope all the best for u.. for ur doctorship (is this even a word??).. for ur love life =P hahahahahahahaha.. for ur “junsu-dream” hehehehhehe.. mmm what else??

makes me think again.. what should I give to u this year??? hahahahahahaha..

somehow~~ our faces looked like we just woke up or got some hangover =P hahahahahahahaha..

actually.. never remember how I managed to know her.. and get along with her in the end.. ooohhhh my poor memories XP I think I have some kind of disease to forget certain things~~ what’s ur diagnosis Ms Doctor??? =P hehehehehehehe..

but I do remember.. she’s one of my dear gals~~ and for sure.. I’m hoping this could last ^^

Bodyache NEVER felt so REAL..

yeah~~

what a good timing for the illness to come and strike me!! right at the moment I had my “guest”!!! shit!!!!

I still don’t understand why each time my “guest” came.. my body would become weak.. very easy to get caught by some common disease~~ what the hell was wrong with my immunity system?? is it becoz I lost too much bl**d??? nahhh~~ can’t be..

anyway.. still.. I hate it when my weak time came.. but can’t help it.. it’s a natural thing that will happen to me until I’ve reached 50+.. or sooner..

luckily.. even though my body was weak.. not as weak as I thought.. just a little help of meds and a lot of sleeps.. I think I’ve gained my vitality back.. not 100% though.. but still OK ^^

at least.. I can go and watch UP!!! yeayyyy!!! can’t wait for that ^^ hehehehehehe..

the only problem that concern me now is.. I have this bodyache althrough my body.. don’t know why.. cih~~ hope it will gone soon TTATT

“HeLLo~~”

just a simple greeting.. and I can’t do it~~

it’s not that I don’t want to do it.. but somehow.. everytime I met and looked at her face.. the urge to say Hello just disappear suddenly..

maybe because the way she avoided me.. not wanted to look back at me.. ran away from me.. that made me become rigid just to say hello..

or it’s just me..

it’s me.. who already became lazy.. selfish.. evil..

instead of trying to repair or build a new relationship..

is easier if I played the antagonist role~~ be the bad person.. besides.. I already have that image anyway.. why should I waste my time try to “heal” my image to those who don’t want to accept it??

but..

honestly.. deep down inside.. I’m heartbroken.. I can’t trust people surround me anymore.. I’m feeling betrayed~~

so IF I said.. I can’t consider her/them as my friend(s) anymore.. I can’t forget what they have done..

would that make me go straight to the hell??

the same question my friend asked me few days ago..

“Jahat ga seh kalo gw ga nganggep dia temen gw lagi??”

at that time.. my answer is.. NO!!

coz that’s the normal reaction when u faced this kind of situation.. right??

but now.. after I’m thinking about it again.. maybe I’m just defending myself.. maybe I just need a reason to hate someone.. maybe~~

cih.. now I can’t give the answer..