Off..

morning comes to everyone and whether it shines bright depends on myself.. let’s just hope the night doesn’t last long

those were some wise words I quoted from Lee Hyuk Jae’s.. just in case if you don’t know who he is.. He is a member of Super Junior, a 13-member boyband from Korea.. my fav band so far ^^ hehehehehehe..

but that’s not what I want to talk about right now.. even though I loved to talk  about Suju.. but now it’s not the time~~

I haven’t post anything in this blog for quite some time.. quite a long time actually.. lately.. there were a lot of things across my mind that I wanted to share.. but somehow.. I can’t write down any of it.. I couldn’t..

restless.. off.. defeated.. loser..

feelings that were clinging in my mind.. my heart..

when people looked at me.. they will said..

“Don’t worry.. we know you can make it”

“It’s you we’re talking about.. why would you be worried?”

“I know you’ll get it”

“You?? It’s me who should be worried”

words like that..

I should be flattered right? should I?

truth is.. words like that.. only drowned me deeper and deeper..

if I’m as good as what they said.. then..

why can’t I get what I want?

why can’t I reach what I thought I could reach?

why why and why..

I hate why.. I hate asking for reasons..

wise people will say your time or in this case.. MY time hasn’t come yet..

I still need to work hard to get what I want..

in fact.. old man told me that I will need to work hard for the rest of my life to get what I want..

I’m not complaining about working hard..

Working hard is not a big deal..

The real big deal is working hard without knowing the end of it..

right now..

I can’t see the end of my “hardship”

I don’t know what I’m working for..

heck.. I don’t even know if I’m doing the right job..

for once.. I really wish.. just for once.. I could have what I want without struggling for it..

Is it too much to ask?? I guess so~~ *sigh*